Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Status Check: Planet Earth

First off, I am in love with Lindsay Soto, amongst others. The reasons for the love for her are many. Her body is smoking and she looks good even in HD. Plus she works for the NFL network which is great in a way that trumps the ways in which it is not great.
I am not in love with Selena Roberts. The only good thing she has ever brought about is a minor revelation about a story that needs to be told. Somebody needs to take one of these reporters and go do to their life what so many of them have done to so many people. Going back to A-Rod's sophomore year of high school is wild. Saying that he definitively used steroids because an adolescent boy began working out and increased his overall weight and bench press numbers over a period of six months is a stretch. Especially considering that the period was the first time A-Rod ever started working out. He got big fast because he took to the activity and began to do it with regularity. On top of that he was at the age where a young man is able to start putting on muscle in a whole new way if they get into lifting and exercise at that moment in their development. Beyond that, so what if A-Rod used steroids. Fuck Selena Roberts. I want my athletes to be awesome at what they do. I want them to have access to whatever they think they need so long as it falls short of super bicep guy. I do worry about an unusual amount of men dying or breaking down before their time in sports where steroids are widespread. On the other hand I really don't think it is a stretch to think that these modern day gladiators are wearing down their bodies the same way generations before them have. Some wear down sooner than others. We are random organisms. Babe Ruth died fairly young, so did Wilt Chamberlain and Pistol Pete. If I remember correctly the historical figure who was the inspiration for the brand name 'Nike' was a runner who died at the end of his epic run.
I love the NFL draft because it makes me feel like I can predict the future. You can look at numbers and video footage and use your imagination and some set of made up guidelines to determine who is going to be the next big thing in the NFL. If chance unfolds in your favor you can allow your ego to grow, if it doesn't you can work harder and get better the next year. It seems like the kind of thing you can figure out in a world full of uncertainties. Same goes for the NBA draft and other sports drafts as well but I haven't put the time in to come close because the interest hasn't piqued yet as it has for american football. Luckily this year the Vikings got one of the guys who is a touchdown threat immediately and will not be a bust unless he tears his ACL next week.
Routine is a nice thing even if it is just comfort for all the wrong reasons.
Barack seems to be doing a good job as does the government in general. Things seem to be swaying in a favor that some view as dangerous, I view it as necessary to get things done. If not for the party line bullshit this kind of situation wouldn't be necessary. In this moment the American people have decided how things need to be to right our country. My favorite part about the last hundred days is that mistakes are apologized and accounted for and there is a new up front attitude being projected. The point isn't that I need to know what the percentage chance is that I am going to be broke or blown up today. The point is I need to know there is someone in charge working on it and not trying to bullshit and pull wool over trusting peoples eyes. One of my favorite moments in my memories of my mother has to do with a conversation we had in her bedroom. I was holding one of her dogs in the air. The dog closed its eyes and fell asleep. I got my mom's attention to point out this odd little moment. She saw no oddness. In her eyes was something completely different. She looked at the dog in my arms and said only two words, "So trusting."
Of all the different sports figures around right now I started to try and make a list of active people who will be the icons of our times. Not the names people forget but the names people remember for all the strange reasons people end up being the ones. Bill Belicheck and Bill Parcells, Mike Tyson, Lebron James, Alex Rodriguez, Phil Jackson, Michael Vick, Brett Favre, The Williams sisters...that is what is left
Guys like Allen Iverson, Kobe Bryant, Albert Pujols, Derek Jeter, LaDainian Tomlinson, Barry Bonds, Oksana Baiul, Sidney Crosby, Matt Hughes, Greg Maddux, Chuck Liddell, Randy Moss, Ronaldo, Roger Federer, Mia Hamm, Ricky Henderson...they become folk heroes who are known well within communities and areas but can easily be missed and passed on by 'the masses'.
Guys like Shaq, Peyton Manning, Terry Francona, Kurt Warner and Kevin Garnett have a chance if they have more success or become coaches or commentators or some other figure where the profile is high enough that matched with success it can take them to another level.
Guys like Chris Collinsworth and Brock Lesner have a shot if their success continues in their new positions.
A guy like Dwayne Wade has a shot if he becomes a movie star.
But at the end of the day in sports and beyond what you have left when it comes to memory is the big dogs. Warren Sapp and Deon Sanders disapear, that is why they are trying to stay in the spotlight. Because they know that if they stop that is the end and they didn't reach that level. Eddie Murphy wishes he was there, Sacha Baron Cohen could get there, someone like Bob Dylan is uncomfortable that he is and is still around to see it. Someone like J.K. Rowling really is even though half the people alive don't realize it and half of what is left would argue it for half an hour before coming to their senses. Barbara Walters won't quite but got close, Geraldo and Dr. Phil are a joke, Oprah is there and loves it. Bono thinks he is there and loves it. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are trying their best, Mickey Rourke barely has a shot, but Johnny Depp probably will be regardless of whatever he does from now on. Conan probably never will, although for some reason it seems like Letterman and Leno won't really either. At least not separately. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, Carlos Slim Helu, Larry Ellison, The Waltons, Michael Dell, Ingvar Jamprad, Sai Agassi, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal, Theo Albrecht, Amancio Ortega, Bernar Arnault, Li Ka-shing, Michael Bloomberg, Prince Alwaleed Bin talal Alsaud, Bernie Madoff, Michael Otto, David Thomson, Stefan Persson, Charles Koch, Liliane Bettencourt, Larry Page, The google guys, the youtube guys, the facebook guys, Paul Allen, Michele Ferrero...I don't know. The Queen of Britain? Simon Cowell? Kim Jong Il? Tiger Woods? Osama Bin Laden? 50 Cent and Eminem? Vladimir Putin? Rush Limbaugh or Howard Stern? George Bush? Steven Spielberg or James Cameron? Barack Obama? Cargill? Chrysler? Mars? NASA? Toyota? AT&T? ExxonMobil? GE? Shell? Wal-Mart? Volkswagen? IBM? Sony? Apple?
Is there a medium ground to find for the kids who need a spanking in a world where we shouldn't have to spank? Is there something wrong with cheerleaders? Or pornography for that matter? We have to get rid of guns and weapons because violence is bad, right? Military doesn't have to exist, right? We should go green, right? Wind turbines, solar, and hydropower? Stem cells and cloning? No to ethanol, yes to electric?
The ability to not respond or to be gotten ahold of will become essential in the instant age. We all know just how far away we are from one another, the reality that we have become so close. The ability to ignore and adjust and deal with the ignoring. We will be trained to grow thicker skin. Odd for a species that spent generations thinning our skin.
We will need clothes and shelter and food and cool and heat more than ever yet our bodies will be less ready for the temperatures and conditions and our minds will be less willing to take what would sustain us in an attempt to search for what's best, which will end up really sustaining us in a whole new way. Green will return and always reign. Waste and trash will be used to create the future. The human body will continue to become one with machines by way of science. Reality tv won't go away as long as televisions and people are around. Our windows and roofs and plumbing will harness power and create heat and energy for us.
I hate paperwork. It's gotten to that point where I have had to dive back into the world and will have to swim in it in some ways to be able to affect any change. Paperwork is terrible from the roots. Made by trees which we have already cut down too much of. The treasures lost in the woods and rainforests wiped out by being chopped down will never be recovered. They remain mysteries lost. Cures and new creatures are often found in the depths of these forests. The value of which outweighs the minor inconvenience of spending time thinking about better materials than wood to use for everything from log cabins to paperwork. Beyond environmental issues, which are instantly dismissed by nearly half the population, there is something even nastier at the root of paperwork. It represents the end of the handshake, the gentleman's agreement. In other words, it is the opposite of trust. It is a gimmick, a riddle, a trick, and an illusion. Infinitely malleable and often used with direct deceit. Paperwork is evil from the roots.
Kanye West. So much to say. He continues to be everything someone trying to be an icon should be. Brash. Trendy. Over the top. If you don't believe me look at his new girlfriend. Listen to his latest record. Somehow managing to alienate his fans and elevate him to new heights in the same breath. What is next? Who knows. But Kanye West has become more than a rapper and he has a chance to become a lot more than that. To me he seems like one of the most likely from right now to command Clapton type audiences from our generation when we are fifty years old.
I am going to go on the record saying that Peyton Manning, Michael Jordan, Reggie Jackson, Muhammed Ali and Babe Ruth all were on steroids too. Wayne Gretzky in L.A. too. Also Madonna, Stephen Hawking, Timbaland, Daniel Craig, Demi Moore, LL Cool J, Christopher Reeves, Vince McMahon and Ed Hochuli.
I reserve a special place of hatred in my heart and soul for the people who have been attempting to ruin sports for a long time now. Nerds, and not the cool kind, who don't understand the game but insist on it being clean in their image can go fuck themselves. I am so sick and tired of Tim Kurkijjan talking about how bad steroids are and how much they taint a man and a game. Grow the fuck up. This is not Jackie Robinson. It is just not that big no matter how much of a fuse you blow. I am disgusted by Bill Plaschke and his insinuations about the impact of Manny's positive test on Los Angeles. Saying Manny suckered everyone and that he should be fired is the kind of shit that should be kept to yourself. What a stupid loser, again, in the not cool way. This guy deserves a voice and a place to speak but he also deserves to be slapped for the bullshit he excretes into our atmosphere. In general I am disgusted with these talking heads and journalist fucks who are supposed to be the voice of the people but instead they are just the only people pathetic enough to spend their life doing what it is they do. They are fake judges. Wannabe writers. Mediocre human beings. I have it on good information that Bill Plashcke operates an underground mormon prostitution ring out of his home in Los Angeles. I also happen to know from photographic evidence that Tim Kurkijan likes to dress up like little red riding hood and have a huskie dog lick melted hershey bars off of certain parts of his body. What is wrong with these people? These stories pale in comparison to tales I have heard about other prominent figures in the field of journalism. These people had better get their minds right before somebody starts writing exposes about these fucks. Buster Olney is a punk loser who is just a mouthpiece for the owners and Bud Selig. The way he talks about things is a joke. He should removed from the air. These guys do nothing but bring sports down. They are the equivalent of player haters. Raised wrong and unable to be fixed because they don't want to change. Fuck every single voice I have heard on the steroids issue on ESPN. You are all weak cowards.
Otherwise things do seem to be going well on the surface at the moment. For some reason people still insist on throwing trash on the street. I can understand, I was eight years old once too. Plus, there is probably some guy doing community service on a DUI who will be there in an orange vest to clean tomorrow.
Women are still getting naked and letting people take pictures and videos of them. Men are doing the same. They do things involving bowl movements and cups and mouths and vomit and stick shifts and traffic cones and cell phones. If these things don't bring you nightmares don't worry, there are worse things out there waiting to be seen by your eyes, processed by your mind and digested by your soul.
In sports performance enhancing drugs are a big deal even though they seem to make players better at the games they play. Records are being put into question and names are being dragged through the dirt by not just the working class and sportswriters but by people inside the clubhouses. What ever happened to being an athlete? When I played sports everyone knew that what happened in the clubhouse stayed in the clubhouse. Same thing went for a dugout or a locker room or anything. The team was a team. Anything to win. I knew all the cheap shots to take in a game to make sure the advantages went our way. So did everyone else. Sports was like war. Now we have become too sensitive. War got real and bad so sports couldn't compare itself anymore. Or if it wanted to still the solution was to get clean. In comes Roger Goodell, out goes Barry Bonds. I hate that. I loved Barry Bonds type guys when I played sports. They meant you were going to be a winner if you fell in line and let them be the man. Who has a problem with being a winner? It's cool to accept losing, but to have a problem with winning?
Computers are over the top. They fit in a hand now on a screen that would be unimaginable to 95% of the population fifty years ago. Let alone what the capabilities would be.
Good thing everything costs so much money. Otherwise we would all have everything.

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