Indiana Jones is Boring and Smells

In a theater near you Steven Spielberg brings his latest cinematic vision to the screen. 

I went to the theater in a group of three people. One fell asleep. The other didn't mind taking a bathroom break during an intense action sequence and returning to his seat to find Indiana Jones up to his armpits in quicksand without asking a single question about what had happened in between from either of the other two. The third in the group walked out of the theater and dropped the following gem, "That was totally just written by two old guys!" And it was. It was.

'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' was boring and it smelt. Within the first thirty seconds the thought of walking out of the theater crossed my mind. Three minutes into the movie I had fully thought out telling my friends we had to leave on three separate occasions. That was when the credits ended.

In short the movie made very little sense and led to nowhere. It seemed like the sort of thing that any fan of Indiana Jones with a basic knowledge of what a script was could have busted out those pages just by watching the old Indiana Jones movies and checking the news headlines on the world wide web. The movie tried all at once to be 'Star Wars', 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind', 'Indiana Jones', and 'Cinderella Man'. It failed to become anything other than a set up for a theme park ride and possibly a video game. The thing got so bad as a whole that some scenes seemed to be rip off's or imitations of 'National Treasure' and 'The Mummy'.

Ray Winstone's character is a joke and a waste of space. Cate Blanchett's character does nothing to establish herself as any sort of nemesis at any point in time. Her character is a joke. I don't even want to touch on Shia Labeuof because I feel like it may very literally have been a joke and I wouldn't want to not get it that badly.

Note the drag race scene in the beginning between a convertible and some military trucks. Note the nuclear/atomic bomb testing site scene. Note that there are so many magic flying missing bullets that Jules from 'Pulp Fiction' would have a thousand disciples if 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' was a sequel to 'Pulp Fiction'. Note the alien spaceship lifting out of the earth.

Go see 'Redbelt' instead.